memory lane

sometimes i can't help but remember my previous lovers.
there were reasons why we were together.
i can recall each meeting, crisp nights and drama.
i remember how they smelt, how their skin felt under my fingers.
sometimes i close my eyes and i'm there again.
there's so much i miss from my old life.
i was perfect and couldn't see it.. my fucked up self-image.

now i'm just fat. angry and a mood disordered bitch.

i miss feeling special, desired, being flirted with.
i'm double the person i used to be. god i miss her.
i didn't know what i was until i wasn't anymore.
i have to get back there, screaming and trapped in this flesh.
every day spent avoiding my reflection.
finding ways to sink deeper into this fat-filled abyss.

memory, all alone in the moonlight
i can smile at the old days.. i was beautiful then.
i remember the time i knew what happiness was
let the memory live again..
- "memory" from CATS.

i used to be beautiful. the boys wanted me. i was happy.

now i'm nothing.
and nothing rings sharp with loneliness.