oh my what a day.
i got up early in anticipation of going to the gym.
after two hours of trying to convince myself it'll all be okay..
i had a mild panic attack, couldn't leave the apartment.
took a handful of diet pills,
now i'm eating laughing cow cheese & beef jerky.
i need $50 to get to go visit my family doctor again.
'cause i canceled appointments and its $25 per canceled appointment.
i don't have $50 damn it and i need a referral to a psychiatrist.
my meds run out in eight months. waiting lists can be that long.
just something else to fret over. i fret a lot.
i hope i don't have to be admitted to a psych ward.
i'm terrified of being alone, sleeping alone, its like a phobia.
i just need to breathe in and out, nice and slow.
i've got a big bag of pot and i'm safe in my apartment.
going to watch a jake gyllenhaal marathon.
i own all of his movies and he gives me chick wood. ;D
hugs and love,
ruka
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