happy & sad sigh

i've spend the night pretending i'm someone i'm not. roleplaying on furcadia. it's been years and years since i roleplayed. a nice way to forget about how much i hate myself and my struggles, to pretend to be a beautiful creature in a fantasy world.. its just amazing. i missed it, that's for sure.

haven't eaten anything today. might change soon. i'm going to give the ABC a go tomorrow. i keep trying and failing hard, but this time i'm determined. no matter how lazy i feel i *will* workout tomorrow, i *will* eat 500cals or less. i *will* do this every single day until i emerge from this chrysalis a beautiful, stunning butterfly. i'm tired of being this fat nasty caterpillar.

two more days until payday. fuck i need money. i'm so tired of running out of pot and then popping pills everyday to get a buzz so i can handle my sad, lonely life. i wish i had friends, someone to hang out with. instead its just me and the internet every single day while he works. i'm so lonely.

blehhh grody.

my mouth tastes and smells like a trash bin, lol. should go brush them.

spent half the morning cleaning up the apartment, gotta do the dishes now before jason gets off work. i love our little apartment.

OH! we found a brand new entertainment unit in the trash! not a single scratch on it, great shape. our living room finally looks like a living room. very happy about this.

someone on furcadia is willing to give me a LIFE item for a silly name. a name i made up randomly.. i can't wait to see what item the person will give me. i don't care what it is.. a life item never expires, saves me money!

not much else to say. xxoo

not a bad past few days

been pretty busy the past couple days. my mom's ex husband came by with my stuff from storage. a lot of things I haven't seen in ten years. my gameboy pocket, pocket pikachu, my furby, my gameboy cartridge of pokemon red with all 151 pokemon (gameshark'd the mew).

he gave me some money and invited me to come out to the farm in the spring! his boyfriend owns and runs a big farm. they brought us fresh meat and eggs! how neat! he says if i come in the spring i'll see the lambs being born. its apparently really beautiful.

i went out and got my 3lb hand-weights! they're cute.

all i have to do now is make my bedroom workout central and get crackin'. hopefully my results will be more noticeable after an hour of cardio a day. i'm pumped and ready, hehe.

meh just a day

day one of ABC went smoothly. went for a bunch of walks (to get pot). i went a tad over my 500cals but i think i walked it off. now i'm just watching drama on PT. waiting for my sleeping pills to kick in.

i made a secret, locked online diary to track my progress. it has explicit pictures so i made sure it was password protected. so i can see my progress EVERYWHERE. its nice to have a place to rant at myself, lol.

living off rice is pretty easy.

a bowl a day keeps hunger at bay. 8V

so..

since that post on PT yesterday about the girl who finished ABC.. a ton of people are starting that diet now. i am too, lol. why not~ its not much different from my regime. everyone assumed that it didn't work before because no one could finish. but now.. we're all in boot camp! :D

i'm stoned and enjoying cartoons. you might enjoy this too, it's an episode of american dad. the one where stan develops anorexia. its pretty funny.

here's the direct link to the episode, loads fast. :)
http://www.megavideo.com/?d=AT31ZSPE

xoxo