huh.

i haven't blogged in a long time.
a lot has happened in the past few months.

- jason has been unemployed since november.
- i quit smoking pot and went into a rehab program.
- had an allergic reaction to hair dye, painful two weeks.
- started smoking pot again due to painful reaction stated above.
- jason might have a new job soon.
- went to see lady gaga in concert last night, had a blast.
- going to quit smoking pot again in a day or two.

i'm totally broke and panicking about it.
i don't have enough money to buy smokes for this whole month..
a food bank should be delivering food in a few days.

frustrated as all fuck.

and it has begun..

my disability money came.
starting the end of this month i'll be getting $1070/month.
that's more than my poor fiancee makes working five days a week.
but now i can get the cheap 'community' bus pass.
and hit the gym everyday!
so tired of sitting around like a lump.

we bought groceries. i picked up..
- 35cal yogurts
- dainty rice x4
- bag of oranges
- hamburger meat, steaks, pork chops
- crystal light & sprite zero

my bento kit should arrive in the next two weeks.
very excited. it'll be like christmas.

life is finally starting to get better.
we're not fighting or miserable anymore.
its quite relaxing.

xxoo

man oh man

what a long and painfully stressful day.

we've been stressing out hard about money
and his parents were being hesitant about helping us.
we desperately need the help until my disab. payments kick in.

his phone has been shut off for awhile.
the cable bill is pretty high.
strangely the mobile internet stick was really low.

we canceled our cable, got our internet package jacked up tp 95GB/mo.
so no we can stream everything & save $50 a month. totally worth it.

we broke down and bought some pot..
needed it after all the stress and crying.
poor boy is worn out. i am too, truthfully.

generic day

i got up early to head to the causeway.
met my job counselor/coordinator, jon horler.
filled out some forms about what sort of work i'd want.
but considering i get disability payments in two months..
it's kinda pointless to even job hunt.

haven't eaten fuck all today.
day two of my liquid fast.

been wondering a lot lately why i have NO sex drive at all.
no libido, no sexual thoughts, nothing.
my poor fiancee doesn't get it and wants sex all the time.
i tell him i don't feel sexy ever and he just goes 'but you are!'
words don't help, dollface. you gotta make me feel sexy.

pouting and asking for sex will not get you laid.

xo

thanks dad

my father has a girlfriend in europe.
she's going to be sending me illegal diet pills.
ones that are illegal here anyways.
they're like $10 for a bottle of 50. not bad at all.

scratch that

no IMAX tomorrow. i've got a meeting with my job co-ordinator.
i need some work for the summer while i wait.
the disability people said it'd take until sept/oct to get payments.

my knee still hurts something fierce.
i hate having to use a cane to go up and down stairs.
i feel retarded because i'm so young.

bleh.